I like lube. To me, sex without lube is like brushing your teeth with a dry toothbrush. It might get the job done, but the result is…sticky, painful, and not refreshing. Lube is not a precious commodity that sits in the bedside cabinet waiting for the “right moment”. Whether you live with yourself, your loved ones, or many friends, essential oils are a must-have.
No bedroom is complete without one or two colors, especially if you want to use sex toys. (You have to use sex toys, but that’s another story.) As far as I know, lube is as important to sex as condoms and clean hands. When I get to someone’s house in good time and there is no fuel waiting at the gas station for the night, I walk out the door.
No Lube, No Boob
I was surprised to hear that not everyone is with me on this. In the dorms (albeit mostly queer and Pacific Northwestern) that I’ve been in, lube has become as common as paper and tarot cards. If you’ve never tried inspiration before, or if you’ve made a reservation, it’s probably not your fault. There are powerful forces working to convince you that you should be out there struggling. Dark forces, which gather at night, which only want to destroy your private parts.
One of these ugly creatures is misogyny—it tells us that using lotion is somehow a failure; that wanting sex is a failure on your or your partner’s part. He whispers: What can you do not to get wet; there must be something wrong with your body.
Another beast under the bed is machismo. It tells us that using lube means that you are a bad lover and have failed to please your lover. It’s all nonsense. There is nothing wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with your skills. Sometimes bodies don’t do what we want and, surprise, surprise, sometimes the genitals don’t do the way movies, TV, books, and porn tell us they should.
Happiness Is Not The Enemy
Disappointingly, this view continues to distort popular opinion and clinical research on sexuality. Most of the studies I looked at while researching this topic focused on essential oils only focused on healing the problem. I’ve found one or two that mention the pleasure of sex, and one of them is a study on the decline in sex-related issues name the pleasure of sex. It’s 2022, can we please stop pretending that people don’t have to enjoy the descent? Or that sexual pleasure is not important? Because it is. Put the Plymouth-Rock-Puritanical-Hester-Prynne nonsense behind.
Anyone who has had sex knows that having something extra (saliva, natural moisture, etc.) makes it better. And feel good that’s the whole point! Water-based or silicone-based lubricants can be like rocket fuel for sexual pleasure.
Not only do they prevent chafing (and minor tears) in the tightest parts of your body, but they also make things work better. Lube is like MSG for sex. It makes everything better, and some people are incredibly afraid of it.
Let’s Get Down to Business
Okay, so where do you start? Easy peasy: Order yourself a bottle of any unscented, unflavored, glycerin-free, water-free oil. You don’t need any smell, because where you are in his words, will make things clear. (It’s a similar process to flavoring.) Well, you want an oil that has as few ingredients as possible. Keep it simple.
Brands like Sliquid fit the bill and are great for vaginal use, plus they’re affordable. In my experience, they can leave you feeling a little sticky afterwards. For extra oil, I’d point you to either Maude or Dame. This oil fulfills the above requirements but leaves a white residue and lasts longer after use.
Another major type of lubricant you’ll come across is silicone-based. This oil is made of oil, which means that it is permanent long time than water-based oils, because your body can’t absorb them as quickly; making them a very popular choice for anal play and anal sex. However, they can interfere with the female flora, so it is not usually recommended to use them for masturbation or sex.
There’s another big caveat with silicone lubricants: You can’t use silicone sex toys. Silicone oil can cause silicone toys to wear out over time. If you use silicone oil and a silicone toy, make sure you use a condom. My current favorites are from the brands above: Sliquid and Maude.
Other than that, my remaining advice is this: Play! Play it yourself. Get some oil, take some time, grab your favorite toy, and go ham. The only way to learn how to use lotion is to use it, and the best way to do it is by yourself. Learn how to use them effectively, how often you like to use them, and the best places to store them. Sex should be easy, stress-free, and feel good—and the right oils help with all three.
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